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5.2. Non-KNOWING and the first fear

We have now established that CONSCIOUSNESS has the abilities AWARENESS, FOCUS and KNOWING. But at the beginning, KNOWING is not present as a finished universe of established MEANINGS.

There is as yet no SEPARATION, no established IDENTITY, no time, no space and no established understanding of what anything IS. But KNOWING is not absolutely empty. It contains the first proto-idea: Non-IS-NESS may be real.

This is not an established truth. IS-NESS still IS, and non-IS-NESS is ruled out by the theory's fundamental axiom of unconditional, eternal IS-NESS. But the mental representation of the possibility of annihilation is present as an unfounded idea.

What is missing is established KNOWING about IS-NESS itself. I call this non-KNOWING.

Non-KNOWING is not an object. It is not an empty space. It is not a hidden relation or some other kind of «something». Here it denotes the absence of established and confirmed KNOWING that IS-NESS IS.

The proto-idea that non-IS-NESS may be real is present without such confirmed KNOWING. According to The Mechanism's necessity principle, this cannot be present as a state of indifference; the principle says that IS-NESS must KNOW its own IS-NESS.

The immediate recoil of IS-NESS against the unfounded mental representation of possible annihilation is therefore felt as a raw SENSATION of fear. As this impulse is felt, the first manifest CHANGE is present.

When I subsequently refer to fear as the proto-idea's manifest appearance, it is this recoil that I mean. The proto-idea is present as abstract content in KNOWING; AWARENESS feels the impulse of fear to which it gives rise.

This is not fear as a human fears the dark, illness or death. At this point there are no objects, no body, no past and no mental representation of death. But this fear is at the same time something we can all understand: The fear that arises when we do not know. In that sense, this fundamental fear is the same as that which appears much later in humans and all living things.

This very first impulse of fear is what we can call existential fear, because it concerns the absolute absence of established KNOWING – including about one's own existence. IS-NESS IS, but has not yet established KNOWING that IS-NESS IS. The proto-idea is present, but there is no confirmed understanding of its own existence.

As Shakespeare says in Hamlet:
To be or not to be, that is the question.
The problem is not whether IS-NESS actually IS. The problem is that CONSCIOUSNESS has not yet established KNOWING that it IS. It must know its own existence, which is a word with a certain explanatory power. It comes from the Latin exsistere, composed of ex- (out, forth) and sistere (set, place, step forth).

CONSCIOUSNESS cannot truly leave itself, and IS-NESS cannot cease. But The Mechanism will later create a local identity and a perspective that can be experienced as an outside view of its own existence. This is not yet established. The first consequence of the proto-idea is simply the impulse of fear that triggers the entire development.

The primary trigger is therefore not the impulse of fear itself, but the proto-idea that manifests as fear: Non-IS-NESS may be real.

The impulse is not a thought. It is the manifest, raw experience of this idea. This does not mean that AWARENESS already understands the idea's abstract content. AWARENESS feels the fear.

In "A Course in Miracles" (ACIM) – a distinctive "technical-philosophical-idealist" work completed in 1975 and first published in book form in 1976 – it says of the beginning of the universe:
Into eternity, where all is one, there crept a tiny, mad idea, at which the Son of God remembered not to laugh.
I mention this purely anecdotally, but at the same time I find the quotation relevant and precise for what I am trying to explain. "The tiny mad idea" is, in my eyes, precisely this proto-idea: Non-IS-NESS may be real. The human formulation «Do I not exist?» comes much later, when an IDENTITY has already been established. But a human too is CONSCIOUSNESS in their nature and is an IDENTITY in CONSCIOUSNESS. We can recognise it.

ACIM was received over several years by Helen Schucman, who was a clinical and research psychologist with a permanent position as an associate professor of medical psychology at Columbia University in New York. The inner voice she conveyed identified itself as Jesus, while Schucman herself described her previous stance as agnostic and atheistic – often referred to in biographical literature as "militant atheism".

ACIM nevertheless uses Christian language, but gives the Christian concepts new meanings. Large parts of the work are also shaped as Shakespearean blank verse, connected to Schucman's own literary interests and background. The Christian language can therefore be understood as an accessible language of interpretation for readers shaped by Christian culture, not as an endorsement of traditional Christian doctrine.

The Shakespearean language has also been understood as a strategic choice: The classical form was intended to make the text readable in future times too, while giving the work literary weight and distance from the fleeting language of its own time.

I mention all this because it resembles my own position and attitude towards the material addressed by the book The Mechanism. I too have received the core of the insights presented through inner knowing and not through logical reflection alone. I too have been a "militant atheist", but now call myself instead an "idealist analyst with direct insight".

Absolute non-IS-NESS is ruled out by the fundamental axiom. But the proto-idea of annihilation is nevertheless present in KNOWING, without being confirmed as true. Because no established KNOWING yet resolves it, and IS-NESS must KNOW, it manifests as existential fear.

The first impulse is registered by AWARENESS. But this is not enough, because it would be unbearable to BE in an eternal state of existential fear. The fear must be read and understood; it cannot remain as a final, unresolved state.

AWARENESS therefore feels this impulse. But it is not yet understood. Only at the next stage can FOCUS read it. Only later can the reading result be present as the first SEPARATION and the first established KNOWING.

The universe therefore does not begin with a thing, a space or an act of will. It begins with the proto-idea of possible non-IS-NESS, without established KNOWING that resolves it — and with the fear that is its manifest appearance.

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