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22.12. After the storm

This book is my thinking, my construction, my story, my perspective, my imagination.

For you, it's different.

Are we then separated forever?


Take it all away.

Do you remember I told you that your brain cells are a sizzling cauldron of electrochemical signals? The nerve pathways do not form a static network; they rotate, fluctuate, change continuously.

They live, like all things biological.

Your brain is on a wild journey to the amusement park.

It flits around and around, up and down, here and there and experiences fear and excitement, happiness, trembling, nausea, disgust, resistance, denial, hope, desire, disappointment and euphoria. And absolutely everything else possible to experience, in particular, that it is a shabby, ambulant amusement park where most things are unsafe, and nothing is in proportion to the price you paid.

Life, we call it.

Imagine that this storm of thoughts and experiences subsides.

The carousels stop, the lights at the amusement park go out, and everyone goes home. Feel the cells calm down and sink into awake sleep. Rest. You are just as sensitive, just as reactive, just as much on guard as before. But now you are at rest.

It's not blowing anymore.

The waves have calmed down; the ocean surface is still.

You sink under the shiny surface. Down in the heat and cold of the water. Down in the depths where sound and light fade. You feel the pressure on your body. You notice that your heart is pounding in intense fear, panic.

Without a brain to cover up, compensate, explain away the fear, you feel it in raw form.

The fear of life.

You are a terrified heart floating helplessly in the depths of a calm sea. Your breath calms down as your heart calms down. You resign, let go, give up, because it's no use. You understand that there is no going back.

The depths surround you, so you can no longer separate your body from the sea.

Everything blends into a sense of oneness.

Everything is calm.

You still are.

If all else fails, you are still there.

You are always.

You have no thoughts of yourself as anything other than yourself.

You do not know your body, but you feel.

You're soaring.

You are.

Then it becomes completely, totally, dark. Quiet. Motionless.

Nothing happens, but you are still aware, «vàr», more than ever, for there is nothing left to be other than this.

You are, but you are nothing.

You are nothing.

If I do the same; calm myself as you calmed yourself, left everything behind – then I, too, am nothing other than this pure being, the experience of being but being nothing.

You and I are one.

We call it meditation.

That is the gate to the light.

The way back.

The light is everything.

It is intensely white because everything in total is experienced as such. It's the qualia of all. The sum of all qualia. The sum of all the frequencies our eyes create, our ears produce, all our senses convey – is, in total, an extremely powerful experience.

Osho says it is a state of ecstasy.

This is love.

The love that surrounded me on Highway 4 in December 2015.

I experienced this white light. It was more than a visual sighting.

Love is everything.

Everything combined becomes white, clear, boundless, warm, safe, without dangers and fears because everything is everything.

What is there to fear?

You see everything, know everything, and recognise everything – because it was always there, and you came from there and are there and always knew it.

You are back in this as you always are, and you are awake.

We'll meet there, you and me.

We were never separated.

It can not fail; even when the universe ends, everything is still okay.